therapy

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How To Navigate Your Media Footprint as a Counsellor

If you’re about to meet someone new for the first time, what do you do? You look them up online, right?

Let’s face it, we all do it. Whether it’s for a job interview or a first date, the lowdown on other people is at our fingertips these days so why wouldn’t we use it? There’s no reason to think it’s any different for people going to see a counsellor for the first time. Many of my clients are in their early twenties and I’m not going to fool myself that they haven’t at least Googled me.

This raises a bit of a dilemma. I’m a wellness blogger and I often write about issues from my perspective or based on my own experiences. I teach yoga and also work on issues-based campaigns. So, how do I reconcile my self-disclosure and the public side of myself with my role as a counsellor? Counsellors are often thought of as a ‘blank canvas’. Should people be able to have access to my past experiences and vulnerabilities?

This is a topic that has been playing on my mind and I don’t think there is an easy, one-size fits all answer to the question. Everyone will have their own gauge when it comes to privacy versus openness, but, in a world where first impressions are often made online, it’s probably something worth thinking about for all of us.

To help me navigate the gauntlet of media and social media, I’ve come up with my own set of inter-related guidelines for sharing. I’ve steered away from tips on Facebook privacy and the like because there are plenty of ‘how to’ articles for social media settings out there and because I don’t think that gets at the more puzzling conundrum of if, how and what to share.

  1. Does it feel honest?

For me, this is the first and ultimate litmus test when it comes to sharing anything online. It may sound simple but for me the question is more nuanced than the black and white standpoint of truth versus lies. It’s more about ‘am I being real?’, ‘Is this a true reflection of me?’.

We are surrounded by idealised version of self; they jump out at us from mainstream media to instagram to our friends’ Facebook feeds. I work in fitness and wellbeing and it can feel safer to fall in line and hide behind a shiny veneer that wouldn’t really reflect who I am or how I feel. As a result, anyone looking me can see that I’m imperfect – I’m human. Although this makes me feel vulnerable, on balance I’m okay with that.    

  1. Would I be okay talking to people about the content of the writing?

It’s easy to get carried away when I’m hiding behind the veil of my computer screen, so a good test for disclosure is to think about whether I would be happy to have a face to face conversation with the same level of intimacy. If not, then maybe I’m not ready to hit publish just yet.

This guideline is quite closely related to the rule about honesty too. If my screen-life is to reflect my life offline, then maybe I shouldn’t post that photo of myself five years younger and 14lbs lighter…

Read the remaining four guidelines over at The Counsellors Cafe

Five Life Lessons I Did Not Expect When I Started Training To Be A Counsellor

1. You know that person you don’t like? Turns out they’re a gift

From day one I had a number of reasons I didn’t like one of the women on my course: she was confrontational; she was loud; she was ‘in your face’; always interrupting and questioning things; insensitive to other people’s feelings – my list went on. I would avoid sitting next to her and even avoid her eye contact when the class had to pair up for skills practice. I even brought my gripes to personal therapy and I’m glad I did, because my therapist helped me to confront a truth that my heart already knew: it wasn’t about her; it was about me.

In my eyes, we were opposites. Where she was confrontational, I was shy. Where she interrupted, I never said my mind. I saw in her things I couldn’t do; things I was afraid to do. Recognising this has helped me to examine my behaviour and the self-doubts that it stems from. Over the following weeks, I purposely sat closer to her in class and one week she sought me out. Striding across the room she announced we would work together that evening. She had no such preconceived ideas about me and it became clear that a lot of my judgements really didn’t fit this real person. Because of this person, I have had to face facts about myself and, as a result, started to find my own assertive voice.

Read the rest of my blog at Counsellors Cafe

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